What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

True - how I loved my mum!

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

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What do you mean son?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

What is the story of how you met your spouse?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Do you know what she said mum?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Does the U.S military really prosecute military staff for cheating on their spouse, or do they close one eye if the cheating does not involve other military personnel since adultery is fairly common? Adultery is illegal in U.S military

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

During the Atlmark incident in 1940, the Brit war criminals violated Norwegian neutrality. Hitler could then justify invading Norway. Have the Brits ever apologized for violating Norwegian neutrality?

What! how could you do that?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

With so much evidence supporting the flat Earth theory, why aren't more resources dedicated to studying it?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”